Truth Between Dr. Guru And Me.

by Maggan

in Chemo Therapy,Pathology,Radiation Oncology,Surgical Oncology


Dr. Guru calls me at work with the pathology report.  “I just got it,” he stresses.

(So he did read my  blistering email after my first surgery. Then I complained about him not sharing the pathology results until two weeks after he himself received them.)

“Everything completely clear, just as we knew it would be. Margin a bit larger than 2 mm.”

“Good job then, “I say.

Dr. Guru asks if I have decided to fore go chemo and when I say yes, he tells me it would have been of  little or no benefit in my case.

“Why add all those toxins to your body?” .

“Why did you not say so right away? I ask. “You knew I was terrified.”

“I wanted you to make up your own mind,” he says. “Some people will agree to chemo for a one percent better chance of survival.”

This is nonsense. How can a patient, a lay person,  “make up her own mind?” Even someone like me, someone who has cruised the interned “ad nauseam” cannot really decide. A lay person will often misread statistics and project wishful thinking into her readings. This is natural. This is why a doctor will see another doctor when she is sick. A lawyer will not represent himself. You need a professional, someone with experience and perspective.  Preferably a professional with no skin in the game.

But I say nothing

Dr. Guru tells me I may start radiation “any time.” “Your choice of hospital is fine,” he assures me. “Alpha is excellent. Many of my patients go to him.”

(Suddenly, he no longer refers to Dr. Alpha as “that radiation oncologist.”

Dr. Guru sounds upbeat. And I am amused. Now that the icy patches between us have been salted and sanded, everything is on the up and up.

That night, I go to bed relaxed and content.  For the first time since I received my breast cancer diagnosis,  I do not wake up in the middle of the night. Not even briefly.

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