In a Moment of Crisis: Looking to Friends.

by Maggan

in Emotional Support,Family & Friends,Finding a physician

Thirty minutes earlier, I was told I have breast cancer. It is at moments like this you turn to your friends.

I throw myself on the phone to call Marie and Cecilia. Normally, I don’t like to talk about anything personal on my office phone. I am in an office landscape and everyone hears and knows everything. Especially such matters you don’t want anyone to hear and know. I often wish people around me would be more discrete when discussing their health, finances or week-ends. But I feel a great urge to tell someone and I can talk Swedish with my friends, so nobody understands as long as I don’t use the universal words “cancer” or “tumor.”

Marie wants me to come over right away. When she hears my husband is in California, she begs me to at least have dinner with them so I won’t be alone. But I am too restless, too keyed up. I need to be alone so I can pace, wring my hands, and wrap my head around the cancerous lump.

“I will help you find someone,” says Marie.

“Someone who won’t stab my heart.”

“What side is your tumor?”

“On the right side.”

“Your heart is on the left.”

Marie  promises to jump on the internet and help me in my research.

Cecilia, too, immediately volunteers to plug into her network of doctors. Strange, we have known each other for twenty years and this is the first time I realize that the reason Cecilia knows a lot of doctors is that she has health issues. Yet she never talks about them.

Driving home I wish I had done something to prepare for the possibility of a cancer diagnosis.   But instead I have kept my head in the sand and now my mind feels kind of dusty and gritty. My only thought is: How fast can I get rid of my lump. I have about an hour to find a reputable surgeon.

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