In La-La Land with a Lump in My Boob

by Maggan

in Breast Cancer Awareness,Denial,Mammogram

The newly discovered hard lump in my right breast does not shrink or go away. But on the plus side: it does not seem to grow bigger either.

How do I deal with it? I try not to think about it. I try not to touch it. I go as far as not to lather up that breast in the shower. I do not google “cyst” and certainly not “cancer.”  I do not tell anyone. Now and then I give the trouble spot a poke. “Yep, still there. Should schedule a mammogram.” But other more important things come in my way.

I work out at the gym more. I make a flurry of other appointments: to get a pedicure and manicure, to my dentist to bleach my teeth, to my hair-dresser for cut and high lights. I go shopping for something stylish and, I hope, “trompe-l’aeil” to wear. But I do not take two minutes to call to schedule a mammogram despite that hazelnut in the twelve o’clock position in my right breast.

My 40th high school reunion is coming up. Nobody can see fibroids, lobes & ducts, tan/yellow tissue, tumors, cysts, neoplasm, or mitotic activity inside your boobs. But they sure can see how supportive your bra is, how springy your step, how wrinkle free your face. And how not gray your hair is.

Then the letter from the Breast “Care” Center arrives:

“We remind you that you’re due for your annual mammogram. Your last one was on April 28 200X.” The phone number to call is printed in bold. I put the letter by the phone so I will “remember.” BUT I DO NOT CALL RIGHT AWAY. How crazy is that? But I am thinking: I had a mammogram a year ago, so how bad can the lump be if they did not see it then?

Most lumps are not discovered on screening mammograms. Eighty percent of women discover the tumor on their own and most wait to do anything about it.

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