Full Circle In One Month

by Maggan

in Anxiety & Fear,Diagnosis,Prognosis,Surgery


In the morning, as soon as Dr. Guru’s office opens,  I call to nail down my surgery date.

“We can not plan anything until we have your MRI results,” his assistant sounds tired. “We don’t know what we’re dealing with yet. Yes, you can have a lumpectomy next Tuesday.  Anything more involved, requiring more time, will have to wait until the week after that, possibly until  the end of the month.”

End of the month? I don’t understand why she cannot “book” a couple of dates and then cancel one or the other. That is how you book hotel rooms and air line tickets when you are unsure of date and time, certain of the destination.

“What about all the doctors that need that slot? And what about all the doctors and staff members who need to co-ordinate everything?”

I did not think of those minor details. My line of thinking is more along the lines of me, me, me and now, now, now.

Joy tells me the result of the MRI and the left breast biopsy will be available  within a few days.

“So that is when we can set a firm date?” I ask, full of hope.

“No that is when he needs to meet with you to discuss your options.”


Since my diagnosis, I have come full circle. I have infiltrating ductal carcinoma in my right breast, and who knows what else might lurk in my left breast.

A month ago, I was declared  a “good candidate” for a lumpectomy. Now, 30 days later, I am being told by Dr. Guru’s office that we’re still considering “options.” I may have lymph node involvement. The MRI may reveal cancer not found on the mammogram or the ultra-sound. I may not just breeze through a lumpectomy, after all. I may face a full mastectomy.

It slowly sinks in: a candidate is not the same as a graduate. A candidate is not the equivalent of a hire or employee, a candidate is the equivalent of an interviewee. It is someone who has high hopes, wishing for the best.

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