My Blue Journal

by Maggan

in Emotional Support,Family & Friends

photo of my journal 2

At lunch before my doctor’s appointment, Marie gives me a care package: one of the presents is a blue vinyl journal with a cheerful green flap to close under a pink loop (I do not connect the pink loop with the pink cancer bow. Somehow I am still able to ignore the pink breast cancer symbol.)

“Write down everything,” Marie says. “When something really bad happens,” she continues, “It is so hard to understand or remember what they say. Everything is confusing, and you don’t realize how important something is, until after wards. And if you scribble down things in note pads or on pieces of paper, you will loose them. Or you don’t date them. It is a mess when you try to go back and piece things together. In a journal, you have it all in order. I picked the book because the cheerful covers.”

journal sample“I will write down everything,” I promise her. “Maybe I will write the Cancer Comedy. To match the cheerful covers.”

Marie also gives me bookmark that she herself has made on Photoshop. It is a photo of me during our Florida vacation. I am standing inside an inner tube in the waist high turquoise water, holding up both arms, my fingers shaped like Vs for victory as if I am about to conquer the Mexican Gulf. In the photo there are no waves, just perfectly clear and smooth aqua water.

“In my next incarnation,” I tell Marie, “I will be a dolphin.”

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